How to Preserve a Husband
Be careful in your selection. Do not choose too young. When selected, give your entire thoughts to preparation for domestic use.
Some wives insist upon keeping them in a pickle. Others are constantly getting them into hot water. This may make them sour, hard and sometimes bitter. Even poor varieties may be made sweet, tender and good by garnishing them with patience, well sweetened with love and seasoned with kisses.
Wrap them in a mantle of charity. Keep warm with a steady fire of domestic devotion and serve with peaches and cream.
Thus prepared, they will keep for years.